


Grieving what was lost

by sugarandspace



Series: Post 3x10 fics (written before 3x11) [7]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Five Stages of Grief, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Post-Episode: s03e10 Erchomai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 20:57:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17649731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarandspace/pseuds/sugarandspace
Summary: Magnus goes through the five stages of grief after losing his powers





	Grieving what was lost

_ Denial _

It didn’t really happen, his father didn’t take his magic away from him. It was just bluffing, a cruel joke and a test to see how far Magnus would go. He will get it back in a few days, it will find its way back to him. It’s not like this will be permanent.

_ Anger _

How could he? How could Asmodeus ever call himself Magnus’ father and do things like this? It’s always been like this with him, ever since Magnus was a child. He’s always played these games, always toyed with Magnus in a way that would bring him amusement, in a way that would make Magnus feel like he’s under his father’s mercy. 

The visit to Edom brought back so many memories from when Magnus was a child, from when he was learning the workings of the Shadow World. It took him back to the times when he thought differently of his father, and to the moments when he started to see him for what he was.  

Asmodeus is a fool if he thinks Magnus will go back there crawling, will ask him to return his magic. Magnus will never rule beside him, the demon is a lunatic for ever thinking Magnus would. It would be the greatest torture of all, far more worse than what he’s enduring right now. 

_ Bargaining _

Maybe if he acts like this isn’t affecting him, Asmodeus will get bored and will give him his magic back. Maybe there’s something else he possesses, that would interest his father. Maybe he can find something to use as a leverage. Maybe there’s something he can do, to change the situation. 

If he just knew what that something were. 

_ Depression _

But what if this really is his new normal? What if the only way to get his magic back is to go back to his father and agree to stay in Edom. It doesn’t matter, because even if that was the case, it’s a price too high to pay even for his magic. It’s better to be this, whatever he is now, than to be the puppet for his father’s demands once again.

Magnus feels like a shadow of himself. He’s no longer a warlock, no longer powerful and no longer useful. He’s a burden to Alexander, and he drags people down. They walk on eggshells around him, he has noticed. They fear that a wrong word will break him, and Magnus can’t say he blames them. It feels like his very being has been shattered, and he’s waiting for the final blow to send the shards to the ground. Every mention of magic feels like a cut to his very heart, sparking a cruel kind of longing deep in his bones, in his very core where his powers used to reside. A place that will now remain painfully empty until it will eventually cave in on itself as his mortal body meets its end. 

_ Acceptance _

A day will come when he will learn to live with what’s now his new normal. But right now he is grieving, dealing with the situation any way he can. It feels like there are no words someone could say to make it right, to make it hurt less, there’s not an act that would settle all that’s going on. But sometimes it helps to have a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on, and to see a reassuring smile. He is grieving on his own, but he’s reminded that he’s never alone.

**Author's Note:**

> I have to get all these post Erchomai ideas out of my system before 3x11 airs.
> 
>  
> 
> [Tumblr!](https://www.sugarandspace.tumblr.com)


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